i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
