i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
