when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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