smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
someone threw a dead crab at me
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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