I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
