When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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