you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
