my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
