In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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