Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
