I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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