Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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