I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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