census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
