Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
