I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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