first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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