what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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