You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
