apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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