I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
