careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
