Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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