I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
