listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
