New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
