He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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