so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know đ
Liz Cheney wasnât exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying âYAS QUEENâ for in 2021 but here we are
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