Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
