I could make wine with my vomit
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
