Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize