I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
