She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
