Your dad touched me again.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
