I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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