I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
