Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
