he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize