Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
