remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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