It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
