My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
