Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
