whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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