Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
