he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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