did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
