People with herpes should wear stickers.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
