Princesses don't give blow jobs
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So much rum. So many feels.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
