My brain says no but my pants say off.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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