I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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