I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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