Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
