you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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