i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
