FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
