i don't plan on having that self control this summer
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
