none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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