That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So squirting runs in the family.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
