she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
