I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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