**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
the condom got lost in my hair
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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