Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
