everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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