Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
