I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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