im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
