This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
