Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
smell my finger.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
